Counting Days
Day 32"I Have Wondered Whether It’s Just Easier To Not Be In A Relationship"
Happy single
No missing or longing
A good partner
Life is like a song
Don’t be sorry about sharing the counting of days. I love that you’re counting. It makes me feel wanted. It’s a lovely feeling. Doesn’t detract at all. I’ve mentioned your name a few times in relating stories. Today, I loaded JLux and left the Home page on the screen with your face front and centre while I was chatting to Bob and Dave. I don’t think Dave noticed it, but I think Bob did. He didn’t say anything. It’s a little game I’m playing. Will they ask? Will I tell? Funny/silly, but it amuses me. I want to tell them about us. Why have I not done so? Something for me to consider.
Relationships require compromise
Is it easier to not be in a relationship? That’s not the question. Better to ask is it easier overall not to be in a relationship. Some things are complicated by a relationship, other things are simplified. Inasmuch as a relationship involve compromise, it is easier to not have to compromise. Easier to not think about someone else, their needs, their preferences, their feelings when making decisions. About anything. No relationship means no feelings to get hurt. No heart to get broken. No being let down by anyone. I mentioned this in a considered reply.
I also mentioned in the same email about the benefits of being in a relationship. It’s easier to get through life with support than without. It’s easier to not be lonely. Unloved. Decisions can be easier with someone to help you. Spiritual growth is easier. It’s easier to have a sounding board for ideas. Spiritual partnership is a lot easier with a partner than without!
I haven’t been living fully
On the first full day with Graeme and Ester, Graeme said to me that he always thought I would be a good partner for someone. I’ve thought so, too, for a while. I’ll do my best to be a good partner for you. I’ve been happy single, but I haven’t been living fully and I’ve known that for all of this century. The missing and longing you refer to is feeling. Although I have been missing you, it’s quite possible your feelings of missing are more intense than mine as there is a bigger gap in your life. Your life has continued its routine unchanged apart from me not being present. Ergo, there is a gap. My life has been quite different. I’m in different surroundings, following a different routine – often, no routine – and your presence has been replaced, in part, by the addition of family.
I have looked upon your lack of presence as temporary and therefore tolerable. And these past weeks have enabled a different kind of introspection to that I would have had if I had not gone away.
All those thoughts I expressed in the journal. They wouldn’t exist had I not gone away. I had to examine and consider. I had to expose myself and be vulnerable. I didn’t just tell you; there is a record in writing. I think I have benefitted from it. I think we have benefitted. So has the missing and longing been difficult? Yes, but remember the words of George Bernard Shaw:
“Life wasn’t meant to be easy, my child; but take courage: it can be delightful.”
You are my delight.
That’s a crazy picture. That’s Alice.
Did you add bits? Maybe you tweaked.
I think it would be something to consider having my partnership email and your considered replies in this journal- what do you think?
I assume mean did I add bits to the photo. No. It’s untouched, untweaked.
If you would like ‘partnership’ and ‘considered reply’ to be added, I’ll do so. Maybe we should do that together; selecting photo(s), song? Or maybe you can choose for ‘partnership,’ I’ll choose for ‘reply’?